The Chronicles of El Guapo (Entry 1)


Here I am a day and a half after my escape from prison. You can see how dejected my confinement left me.

¡Hola, amigos!

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is El Guapo; or at least, that is the title by which I prefer to be known in public. In truth, I am half Asian and half Caucasian (not that it matters), but I have elected to conduct my affairs under an Espanish alias so as to throw my adversaries into a state of confusion. You, of course, are no adversary; but one can never be too cautious these days.

With full confidence that you will exercise all requisite discretion, I have decided to divulge to you in this missive the particulars of my predicament in hopes that you will join me in furthering the great cause which Providence has placed upon my shoulders. You know the cause of which I speak. For your safety as much as my own, I must refrain from putting it into words; but I rejoice nonetheless at the knowledge that your heart resonates with mine as together we fix our gaze upon the same noble goal.

On the seventeenth day of March, I escaped at last from a dreadful confinement that lasted upwards of nine months. I cannot bear to speak of my prison except to say that it was a dark and oppressive place, and my ultimate deliverance came about amidst much bloodshed. I am only just now coming to grips with the momentous nature of my liberation, and even today I am often awakened in fits of screaming by nightmares about the horrific ordeal.

Fortunately, I have found solace in a comfortable home, the location of which it would be unwise for me to write down here, and I am surrounded by sympathizers who tend to my every need and wait on me hand and foot as I recuperate and plan my next move. Without their constant attention, I have little doubt that I would be unable to survive for more than a few days. Indeed, the level of sacrifice that they have made on my behalf warms my heart and kindles within me a spark of hope that a bright future may still be secured for us all.

I long to meet with each of you soon in order that we may join hands and march forth in solidarity as we endeavor to bring about the change that we so desire to see. However, for now we must be content with these few words that I have written. In time, I will be able to share more with you; until then, I beseech you to remain patient and vigilant.

In Virtue and Splendor,

El Guapo

[See the next letter from El Guapo.]

3 thoughts on “The Chronicles of El Guapo (Entry 1)

    1. olenrambow Post author

      Querido Excreto,

      I appreciate your genuine concern for me in this matter of utmost importance. You will no doubt be relieved to hear that my stools have been both prodigious and colorful. I wish you the same degree of satisfaction in your own fecal endeavors.

      In Virtue and Splendor,

      El Guapo


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